it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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