still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
