Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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