There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize