the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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