Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize