is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
