where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
