Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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