all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
