She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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