Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
