I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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