i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize