Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
