a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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