then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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