My first STD was from a foam party
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
