like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize