hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
