I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
