3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How's work?
Spinning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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