Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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