Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize