There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
