I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
