he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
