It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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