yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
