wat bout pragnant strippers??
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
