I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
