K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i love accidental penises.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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