Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
