You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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