a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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