Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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