nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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