haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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