omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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