I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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