Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize