Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
