i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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