grandma shit on top of the toilet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
