dude i'm inner monologue high
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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