I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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