i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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