don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
