ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
