she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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