Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
false alarm, still single
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
