I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
