i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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