I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
