Someone shit on the floor
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
