Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
