Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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