i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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