I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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