the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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