when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
