How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
