If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So here I am, sexting at work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
