so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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