I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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