And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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