I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
