Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
